"Ladies And Gentlemen My Name is Paul HEYMAN!"
The Story Of Hard Times
If there is a true holy day in this crumbling empire of infinite content it isn’t Christmas. It’s not Easter, May Day, or any of the calendar’s usual suspects. No, the real sacred weekend, the one that makes the algorithms stop scrolling and the cynics quietly shut up, arrives somewhere between late March and early April. It’s louder than the Super Bowl, meaner than the World Cup, and it struts around the Olympics like a drunk uncle who still fits into his letterman jacket.
This holy of holies begins with a voice. A voice like gravel soaked in bourbon and broken glass. A voice every wrestling fan across the globe knows, not because it tells the truth but because it sells the story better than truth ever could:
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN… MY NAME, IS PAUL, HEYMMMMMAN!”
The first time you hear it, there’s a shiver down your spine. It’s more than just an introduction it’s the opening to something epic. It’s the voice of a man who, for decades, has carved out his place in the history of professional wrestling with an audacity and confidence that borders on the absurd. But more than that, it’s the voice of someone who can sell you on anything. Even the most absurd thing. Even the most outlandish, impossible-to-believe storyline. And that’s what makes it magic.
Example 1: The Son of a Plumber Makes Good
Let’s rewind a bit to a time before Heyman was the "Wiseman," the manipulative mastermind behind the greatest heel of the modern era, Roman Reigns. Before all that, Heyman’s story intertwined with the man who made him Dusty Rhodes.
Born in New York, the son of a Holocaust survivor and a personal injury attorney, Paul Heyman was just a pudgy, Jewish kid with too much confidence and a forged press pass. At sixteen, he faked credentials to sneak backstage at the old WWWF long before anyone was hashtagging nostalgia.
Then came WCW, a production meeting he crashed, and a mentor by the name of yes Dusty Rhodes.
He became “Paul E. Dangerously,” a name stolen from a Michael Keaton movie. He managed a rogues' gallery:
Flying Brian Pillman
Stunning Steve Austin (before he went full Stone Cold)
Arn “The Enforcer” Anderson
Ric “Woooo!” Flair
And when the suits at Turner bored him to tears, he quit. Or was fired. It’s wrestling—the truth always wears a mask.
He founded ECW. Not just a company a cult. A mosh pit of broken tables and bleeding foreheads. A proving ground for the future of wrestling:
Raven
Sandman
Tazz
Sabu
Eddie Guerrero
Chris Benoit
Dean Malenko
Rey Mysterio
Chris “You Just Made the List!” Jericho
It went bankrupt, of course. But legends rarely retire with money.
So Heyman wandered, like a punk rock samurai, into the open arms of Vince McMahon Jr.
Along with running WCW, discovering talents like Heyman, Dusty was a wrestler. Dusty Rhodes wasn’t just a wrestler. He was an icon. He didn’t look like the pretty boys or the muscle-bound bodybuilders. He was a working-class hero who sweat through his matches and bled for every ounce of respect he earned. His persona? The Son of a Plumber an everyman who could get in the ring and fight, not with the technical precision of a Ric Flair, but with the heart and soul of the common man.
One of his defining moments came when he faced Ric Flair. This wasn’t just a match it was an epic. Flair, the epitome of excess and polished charisma, was the embodiment of everything Dusty wasn’t. And yet, Dusty did what only he could do he connected with the crowd. It wasn’t just about the moves, it was about the story. It was about Dusty’s blue-collar roots and his ability to speak directly to the hearts of fans. He may not have had the championship belts or the lineage that Flair had, but Dusty was something else entirely he was relatable.
One promo, in particular, etched itself into wrestling lore. It was during the buildup to a match with Flair, and Dusty, with that unmistakable lisp, looked straight into the camera and said:
“He put hard times on Dusty Rhodes and his family. You don't know what hard times are, daddy... Hard times are when the textile workers around this country are out of work... when a man has worked at a job for thirty years, thirty years, and they give him a watch, kick him in the butt and say 'hey a computer took your place, daddy', that's hard times!”
The passion, the sincerity, the truth behind it connected with people on a level that transcended wrestling. But despite Dusty’s legendary promos and larger-than-life personality, he didn’t get to sit at the top of the mountain. He wasn’t the champion for long, and when he was, it was often a fleeting moment snatched away by the wrestling politics of the time.
But this is where Paul Heyman comes into the story. Heyman understood that wrestling isn’t just about the finish (a philosophy he learned from Dusty); it’s about the arc. And the arc, in Dusty’s case, was about struggle about a fight that never quite ended. Dusty’s ultimate legacy was passed down to his son, Cody Rhodes.
Cody Rhodes: The Legacy of a Dream
Fast forward to 2015, and Dusty Rhodes' son, Cody, was carving out his own path in wrestling. Like his father, Cody had a story to tell but unlike Dusty, Cody was often viewed as not the chosen one in the eyes of wrestling’s corporate machine. Cody was handsome, charismatic, and came from a legendary family, and there was no question that WWE did not see him as the future.
So he left. He started a company called All Elite Wrestling or AEW. And that left the company when even they failed to see him as he saw himself as worthy, as important.
But Cody, like Dusty, was something more than just a face. He wasn’t just here to fulfill the “son of the legend” storyline. He wanted to prove he could do it on his own terms. And like Dusty, he fought and clawed his way through various personas each one a testament to his desire to break free from the shadow of his father.
The Wrestlemania 39 weekend was a defining moment. It was supposed to be Cody’s crowning moment his time to “finish the story” of Dusty. He was going to face the reigning champion, Roman Reigns, a man who was an unstoppable force of nature. But in the most unpredictable turn of events, Cody Rhodes lost. Not to Roman. Not to the script. But to the grandest idea of all: wrestling isn’t about fair. It’s about story.
But what did that loss give us? The comeback arc of a generation. Cody clawed, bled, and got passed over for The Rock in a move that felt like corporate America kicking Dusty in the ass all over again. And yet, he returned. Wrestlemania 40. Two nights. And finally, finally, he pinned Roman Reigns and finished the story. He finished his father’s story.
The man who sold every beat of it? Who reached into your living room and whispered, “Care about this”? That’s Paul Heyman.
Example 2: The Shield… of Damocles
Dusty Rhodes wasn’t done shaping futures. He plucked three men from the depths of developmental wrestling and cast them as soldiers of the future:
The Lunatic Fringe: Dean Ambrose (a.k.a. Jon Moxley)
The Architect: Seth Rollins
The Big Dawg: Roman Reigns
Together they were The Shield. Wrestling's answer to a Marvel crossover. Until betrayal wrestling’s oldest trick came the night after Wrestlemania.
Seth turned heel. A steel chair to the back of his brothers, A family shattered.
I still remember the voice of the man in front row as I watched standing in shock in my living room. He yelled for all of us, all of us who loved The Shield, for any of us who ever felt betrayed by someone we loved when he yelled.
“NO DON’T DO IT!”
And Roman? The company tried to make him the guy for the next few years. But the fans weren’t buying. Not even with Vince’s full weight behind him. He flubbed lines. He got dragged on live TV by John Cena:
“It’s called a promo, kid. If you want to take my spot, you’re going to have to learn how to do it. See ya, fourth wall...”
And
“I am here because you can’t do your job!”
Ouch.
But here’s the thing about wrestling: it believes in redemption arcs. Roman got injured. He disappeared. And when he returned, he was no longer the hero.
He was The Tribal Chief.
The Head of the Table.
The greatest heel in entertainment today.
And his herald? Paul Heyman.
“Ladies and Gentleman my name is PAUL HEYMAN, and I am the wiseman for the reigning defending, undisputed, world heavyweight champion, the head of the table, the tribal chief, ROMMMMMMMMMMMMAN, REIGNSSSSSSSSSS!” Paul would announce his charge at every show.
Roman didn’t just win. He elevated. He made his cousins better. His enemies look like gods. He danced, and in wrestling, that’s the job make your partner look good. And if Roman wasn’t embraced by the fans before he was Embraced now as the heel they loved to boo, and a story they never wanted to end.
Example 3: Full Circle
In 2014, CM Punk walked out on WWE. Burned bridges. Called Vince McMahon a pervert. He wasn’t wrong.
In the vacuum left behind, Seth and Roman became the faces of the company. Punk returned in 2020 but to AEW. It didn’t fit. Like watching Miles Davis play a mall food court. The locker room was chaos. He left in a storm of backstage brawls and bad press.
And then… the unthinkable. Punk walked back into WWE. In Chicago. In 2023 To thunderous disbelief.
And the one person most upset to see him was his former friend Seth Rollins. Yes the Architect of The Shield Seth Rollins
Over the last two years, Punk has worked with everyone, having great matches with the likes of:
The Scottish Psychopath Drew McIntyre, Seth Rollins, John Cena, etc.
And now the rub…
Still loyal to his tribal chief, Paul Heyman asked his friend CM Punk to work with Roman Reigns at Survivor Series 2024. Punk promised to do this for a favor.
And when Punk was promised he would finally have his dream of headlining WrestleMania, a dream he’d had since being a child of an alcoholic father on the west side of Chicago, a dream his friend and mentor Paul Heyman had promised he would one day have… Punk called in his favor and asked Paul Heyman to be in his corner.
Outraged by this, Roman Reigns demanded that Paul tell Punk no. And when Heyman refused, Rollins laughed in Roman’s face. Again, watching Roman be rejected again, betrayed again, the very thing Rollins, all those years before, had done to Roman. And when Roman, outraged, went to put his hands on Paul, Punk attacked him from behind.
Into this already fraught garden, a snake did slither in the visage of Seth Rollins. Who offered the next week to help Paul by “taking Paul out” of the situation. Offering to make it easy on Paul to injur him so Paul wouldn’t need to choose between his Tribal Chief, and his best friend.
When he put his hands on Heyman, Punk came to his friend's rescue, only to be caught off guard and almost given Rollins’ dreaded finishing maneuver, the Curb Stomp.
But Rollins held just short. Not hitting the move on Punk. Looking at Heyman and saying, “Now you owe me a favor.”
Paul Heyman has been consistently at the center of the most unique, groundbreaking storytelling not just in wrestling but also in all of entertainment.
HBO, Warner, Paramount, even Netflix cannot make an audience buy in so completely that they suspend disbelief so entirely that they forget these three men are not only not trying to hurt each other, but are very likely getting wealthy and becoming good friends.
And why does this matter?
We are living in hard times. I had written a huge piece on protesting and understanding how silly it is. But I’m tired of politics, I’m tired of real fights, I want to turn off my brain…Anyone can write and talk about politics, and will likely do it in a way that is unintelligent and uninteresting. And I am over it, I want to write about something beautiful, innocent, and good.
And all of this comes back to a blond curly-haired son of a plumber. A man who chose Paul Heyman, who then chose CM PUNK, whose son is now WWE Champion after he “finished the story” that he never got to, who chose Rollins, Reigns, and Ambrose to be the face of the company for nearly 15 years now… a man who told us about hard times!
Hard times is when you work your ass off only to feel unrecognized.
Hard times is when you try to learn something new and you hit a wall, making you feel silly.
Hard times is when your friends can’t find jobs, and all you can do is offer to be a reference.
Hard times is when your neighbors upstairs won’t shut the fuck up when you need sleep after a long hard day at the office.
And good times… Good times is the moment all that fades away, when a pudgy Jewish kid from the Lower East Side, living his dream to be in pro wrestling, takes the mic, and reminds you life is good, moments are worth celebrating even in the darkest of times, and that tomorrow we have to start all over again when he says.
“Ladies and gentlemen, MY NAME IS PAULLLLLLLL HEYMAN!”
Song Of The Week:
I cannot tell you how excited I am to see this band live for a second time. This song is like a kick in the balls for anyone who has hung out with people who only want to be around because they like cutting you down to size.
The last part before the bridge is so powerful and is peak Taking Back Sunday:
“The truth is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt
And all I need to know
Is that I'm something you'll be missing
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that far
Maybe I should hate you for this
Never really did ever quite get that
'Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be the last chance you get to drop my name
'Cause I'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions
This'll be the last chance you get to drop my name
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar
If I'm just bad news, then you're a liar”
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